I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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