the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize