the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
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