I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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