I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
