i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
