I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
