my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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