Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
