It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize