I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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