just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Randomize