420 ftw
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
Randomize
