i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
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