Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Randomize