I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Randomize
