oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Randomize
