I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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