if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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