Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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