in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize
