Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
