i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
Randomize
