take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize
