I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
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