i permit you to call me
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
