So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
