she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
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