SEEEEXXX PLEASE
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
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