Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Randomize