he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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