I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Randomize
