I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
