What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Randomize
