Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
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