I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
