come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
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