Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
