What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
