you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
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