I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Randomize
