Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
My vagina is very pro this idea
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Randomize
