put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
i already hear my dad disowning me
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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