Don't you send me to vm
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
Success! We fucked roommates!
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