You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
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