someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
