she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Randomize
