I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
