i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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