My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
