I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
