just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
