"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Randomize
