It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
