Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
