I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
