they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
I think I won the penis lottery.
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
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