PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
So drunk, too bad you don't want this
Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Randomize
