we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
