dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
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