Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Randomize
