I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Mom said you looked used
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
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