I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
