mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Randomize
