don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Randomize