well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize
