I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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