I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Randomize
