he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Randomize