so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
Randomize
