I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
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