respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Randomize
