had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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