So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
