i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
