I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
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