you win again, gameday.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
